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Turn, Turn, Turn

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To everything – turn, turn, turn
There is a season – turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything – turn, turn, turn
There is a season – turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together

To everything – turn, turn, turn
There is a season – turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing

To everything – turn, turn, turn
There is a season – turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sow
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it’s not too late!

-The Byrds

Right now, there is a blog post that never got published sitting in my Drafts folder.  This post was written as a tribute, even a celebration, to my job.  I have the most amazing job on the face of the earth.  I work with the most amazing people.  I love getting up every morning and driving to my office.  I could not be happier.

Or, at least, I was happy.

I was very unceremoniously let go yesterday, along with eight other coworkers.  I was sitting at my computer editing a blog post, when a knock came.  I turned around and was informed that Jason, the CEO, needed to see me in the conference room.  Up until this point, I had been very intimidated by Jason.  Ever since being brought on my the company officially in March however, I had started coming around to him and not letting myself feel so afraid.

I was hired in June of 2013, through a temp agency.  I was also paid through the temp agency, until I worked a certain number of hours — at which point, the company could bring me on officially and I would be hired and paid through them directly.  That process took a long time.  I reached my hourly requirement around October 2013, and proceeded to tell anyone who could do something about it.  I was finally pulled aside and told that even though my requirement had been reached, the company just flat-out didn’t have enough money to hire me at that point.

This lack of funds was no secret.  At several company meetings, we had been told about the money situation and about how things like Christmas bonuses were suffering as a result.  I didn’t press the issue, it made sense and there just wasn’t anything they could do.

But, around February of this year, two new full-time hires were brought in back-to-back.  Figuring the company must have gotten back on its feet enough to hire new people, I started pushing the issue again.  That finally got a response, and before I knew it, Jason was sliding an offer letter across the table in the same conference where he would let me go two months later.

When I was finally brought on to the company, my happiness level grew even more.  Up until that point, I didn’t think it could.  I was official.  I was part of a real company, part of a real team.  They wanted me.  It was all I’d ever wanted.  Plus, it was a job I knew I could do, and was good at.  It couldn’t have been any better for me.

That sort of happiness was short-lived, spanning not even two full months.

On May 6, at 2:30 p.m., Jason told me that the financial situation was so bad that they had to start letting people go and that unfortunately my position was one of them.  I was then told that I would be allowed to grab my keys/purse/any immediately needed things, and I would be escorted down and asked to leave.  The office would then clean out my cube for me and mail my stuff.

My entire body went numb, the way it does when you receive any sort of bad news.  I was certain it was a joke.  I had seen a huge crowd amassing at the front of the office, and just knew that once I left that conference room, that crowd was going to jump out and surprise me.  I originally thought the meeting had something to do with insurance.  The company just switched insurance providers and with my recent full employment, I was doing double duty with insurance forms.  There was paperwork on the table, so I still didn’t think anything was amiss.

It was such a depressing bomb.  After Jason dropped it, nothing else he said mattered.  I don’t even remember anything else he said.  I just sat there with a mix of emotions on my face.  All I could think to say was, “This sucks.”  Jason agreed, and then opened the door.  Eric and Michelle walked me to my cube and I grabbed my phone, keys, purse, and my paperwork, and we got in the elevator.  There were very heartfelt goodbyes on the front steps, and my legs barely walked me to my car.

I immediately drove to Justin’s lab, thinking of student loans and grocery bills.  I surprised Justin at work, and he was nothing but supportive.  He instantly hugged me and told me it was going to be alright.  That we were alright.  That everything was going to be okay.  That he was so sorry.

I’ve gotten so much support from my friends and family.  Everyone knows how much I loved this job, and how sad I am to be without it.  I have already contacted the temp agency that originally found this job for me, and am waiting to hear back from them.  I have offers from nearly everyone I worked with for referrals.

So far, I haven’t broken down.  I haven’t had a huge cry fest with ice cream and pizza.  It hasn’t really settled in yet that I’m not going back to work.  That I’m not going to pack my lunch and drive to the office, where I’ll take the elevator to the 4th floor and walk to my happy cube and have a cup of coffee while I start on my work.

That’s not my life anymore.

Ultimately, I’m not upset that I was let go.  I’m upset that I was let go from something I loved so much.  I learned so much through this job.  Both about life and work, and even about myself.  And I will only take good memories with me from it.  I hope I’ll find something else sooner rather than later.  But, in times like these, my mantra that I needed while beginning my first full-time job certainly comes into play: Just Keep Swimming.  And, like the Byrds said, now I just need to turn, turn, turn.  Preferably in a pink tutu. 🙂

Sometimes, the roughest roads lead to the greenest fields.
-my mom


3 responses »

  1. I really hope the agency can place you somewhere you love just as much 😦 I began sewing when I was unhappy as I was unemployed, producing things made me feel useful and accomplished in between sending off my resume. Having seen your blog post today, I hope that sewing brings you the same relaxation 🙂 wishing you lots of luck in your new search

    • Thank you so much! It was really difficult to process, one minute having a job and the next minute being thrown out. In the meantime, I’m trying to occupy myself. I too hope that sewing can help me to feel better (or, as you said, more relaxed). Thank you again for your comment, it really made my day. It’s always nice to know there’s someone out there who feels the same as you. 🙂

      PS, love your blog! You make very cute things.

  2. Pingback: The Hardest Part | Frazzled Editor

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